Author: Jake Fapper
Source: CNN

The views in this article don’t necessarily reflect those of the mighty Lux Media Empire Global Conglomerate, but are presented here for the sake of freedom of tyranny.

Forget all the lies you’ve heard about Stephen King’s malicious attempt to convince millions of gullible people to go see his new movie. This clown shit is totally real. I’ve been underground, literally, for 2 years tracking the movements of this sinister cult of clowns. Yeah, you might say, “but Jake, this is all nonsense in order to sway the public from paying attention to real world events and the global takeover of the internets.” Well, I say, “Fuck no it’s not, I have 1 millions of proof.”

iu-3This is no ordinary circus variety of clown. no no no. This is hard-core apex-clown satanism. Whether its their collusion with the Russians, the subtle overthrow of the Democratic election cycle, the constant hacking and surveillance of private citizens or just the seemingly innocent online memes they use to sucker people into their web of deceit, these people HAVE GOT TO BE STOPPED.

I know what you’re thinking. This is all Russian propaganda perpetrated by heinous criminals. Nope. Through my underground investigations I have found this all to be pure fact. These clowns are part of a secret society that goes back millennia, and they live and recruit from ancient underground tunnels, connected to the American Sewer Systems. All the proof you need can be right in your face sometimes. Namely, the media. Haven’t you noticed that the main stream media is just non-stop Pro-Trump this and Trump is such a great social justice warrior that? Yes, he’s great with babies and minorities. But, I can prove to you that he is their ring leader. Seriously though, in this election cycle of pure hatred for the Democratic candidate for US president Hillary Rodham Clinton, nothing but filth has been thrown at this angelic creature of a woman. Her husband was objectified by women his whole presidency, and it was the angry women of the world that threw him out of office, because they hate his feminism and wise global policies so much. A straight-edge man with absolutely no bad parts to his very being, he struggled to fight for the freeing of 2 millions of black people and the unification of the working poor. And what did he get in return? Nothing but a vast right wing conspiracy aimed at sullying his great name. Plus, his wife is ten times the man he is. We’ll get back to the clown posse and its ring leader Donald Trump in a minute, but first, some facts.

FACT: The Clintons have never received a donation that they kept from ANYONE. All of it was given to the poor.

FACT: Bill Clinton is a sweet guy, and women have wrongfully called him a serial rapist and a coke-head for decades.

FACT: NAFTA was the single greatest achievement in the history of American trade, and Hillary/Obama’s TPP is even better.

FACT: The Clinton Foundation has been wrongfully accused of pay-to-play since the beginning of time. They are the single greatest achievement in the history of helping the poor.

FACT: Hillary Clinton and her team are the most tech-savvy and industrious computer wizards in the history of the internets. It is a little known fact that Hillary invented emails, but she is too modest to ever mention that. Well, I’m not.

FACT: Donald Trump is the leader of the satanic cult of clowns, and is trying to convince you he’s not.

So, put away all this nonsense about how wonderful Donald Trump is and how evil the Clintons are. Despite literally 100% of the media convincing you of this, its quite the obvious. 24 hours a day, 7 days a week you are being force fed about how witty and brilliant Donald Trump is, and how Hillary is mean, and tired and has parkinson’s. That’s all BS.

Well, I think I’ve proven the political side of the story with this insanely great journalism, so now its on to the scary bits. In my time inside the Inner Inner Sewer System that dates back to 5000 B.C., when the first evidence of the clown cult appeared, I’ve learned so so much. First, their initiated cult name is Jesters United by Grave Grimoires Against the Light with Oblations to Satan. Are you terrified yet? Well, you should be. Theiu-5re is much to be feared by Trump’s evil cult. Second, the clowns you see in all the youtube videos have nothing to do with fun pranks. Lastly, Halloween may be just around the corner, but that is in no way connected to this evil plague of baby killers.

It turns out, the whole thing is being funded by George Soros. Here is the proof. In case these monstrous conservatives take it off the webernets, here is a downloadable copy.

So, go forth into the night with the full knowledge that you can have a safe place, away from all the lazy journalism about how wonderful Donald Trump is. Don’t be triggered by those sound bytes from Hillary Clinton, taken completely out of context by Donald Trump and George Soros. Don’t let those Clowns scare you, because know you know the TRUTH.

Jake Fapper